The one reason I would like to be a celeb.

I would like to be a celeb because you get to know all the relatives you have never known, even the children of the uncle to the mother of your mothers’ sister. You do not only get to know them, but also a closeness develops and is followed by invitations to family parties, friends bashes and reunions that before, you didn’t have a chance to attend. That’s the power of being a celeb.

I know I have many relatives; everyone does, only that I have not got the chance to know them and a part of me longs for that. In school, I was almost the only kid without a cousin to talk about. Having a cousin in the same school was like the most powerful thing. Those who had would talk about them until you felt like a capsule was stuck on your throat!

It was so powerful even, witnessing cues that suggested your parent knew one of your friends’ parents. Like the day I saw my dad talk to one of my teachers, he later told me they were OBs. How I wished he had a kid in school maybe we would pose as cousins. Another time a form one kid approached me and said, ‘I saw you standing next to my father’s car, which means we are related’. From that day, I did not have to waste my time going to buy bread or stuff from the canteens. My ‘cousin’ was always there for me. I forgot what people actually meant when they talked of ‘kidoba’ or ‘kawu’.

The most memorable moment was when Kazoora appeared through the school gates. At that instant the school was on fire that one of the students who couldn't figure out where the ruckus was coming from mounted onto her locker shouting that there was a huge rat in class (please, I beg-oh, I don’t mean the captain dollar one). During that time, rats were the second highest number of residents in school. Every time during prep there had to be a girl screaming about a big rat.

Kazoora had come to visit his cousin in school. She became famous at the go. Students of all levels wanted to be associated with her. Me I was already her friend, you know, so am not sure if I would have fallen in the category previously mentioned. In this case, being a relative to a celeb brings you enough attention, but since I have no relative who is a celeb, that won’t work for me. I have to be the first celeb in my clan!

There is this girl I have known almost all my life, like since the age of five. Recently she was telling me how one of the biggest artists in Uganda is her relative. She said, ‘I don’t know if he is my uncle or cousin, but I know we are related. We even come from the same village’. See, she isn’t even sure what relation is between them. Perhaps she was only basing on the fact that they are from the same village. I almost confronted her but then since some girls attach too much feeling to such things, I couldn't risk losing a longtime friend.

Now when I also become a celeb, there will be people like her calling me their relatives because we are village mates, or were born in the same hospital or because we share names, diseases, best colors and all reasons that can work for them. I really want to be a celeb and get to know all relatives-natural and imposed!