How to optimize your time in a cafe!

I learnt this trick recently considering that umeme transformers all decided to elope at once with the eclipse, hopefully in liaison to bring us a hybrid hydro solar electric source of power.

So, you go to a cafe and because they are using generators, they say the price will be twice the normal charge whether you are using the internet or not . Which is unfair because you only want to use their power.

This is what you do.

1) Quarrel ko alittle and frown your face at how that's really exploitation and burgain for a reduction. If the double price is 2400sh per hour, they will settle for 2000.

2. Use the internet anyway. Why opt to pay for only power yet you can get both at the same price.?

3. Make sure you carried your own laptop and tell them you need to use their port. While you are connected, tick all the options in your action centre/windows maintainance settings and let the updates run automatically. Update the antivirus too, download zumzum and everything you want.

4. If you plan on spending two hours there, break them down. First tell them you want 40 minutes. Then ask for 20 more minutes consecutively untill your two hours are down. So, are you wondering how this helps?

Ok thing is, the cafe attendant will feel so guilty of overcharging you and yet you are buying more and more time compared to everyone else who just uses 20 minutes and walks away.

For supporting her, she will add you 15 free minutes. (Because she thinks you are spending impulsively)

5. Ask her to help you locate 'Bold' or 'New times Roman'. (Ask this when your time is almost out.) Thing is she maynot know where they are but she will touch touch the mouse trying to locate them in Control Panel in vain and then tell you, 'Lonadi yagenze atte kilabika abimanyi'.

Remember you called her when you had 5 minutes left. Now in her heart, she will feel bad that she wasted your time trying to locate those 'things' so in her heart, she will say, 'ah kale naye lemme just give him teni more.'

The other good thing is while using the port, when your time is out, there's no way your pc will be blocked from access.

6. When you see her as if coming to warn you that your time is over, call her! You ask how much you owe her. She will tell you 4000sh

So, you give two 50,000sh notes and tell her to get 2000 from each note. Trust me by the time she gets back, you will have used more than 20 more minutes because;

i) she has to look for change. I forgot to mention that the cafe should be in an average town center. If its around down town, this wont work. The attendant can easily find loose money.

ii) While at it, she will bump into Mayiko! 'Kyoka mwana gwe mayiko wansubiza chipusi paka kati). Micheal now will start throwing lines that babe will be so caught up until she suddenly remembers, 'eh eh kyoka mayiko mpa ku change.' Micheal gives her change for the first 50k.

Then she will meet the Rolex guy, the food woman she owes money, rumormongering salon ladies, and etc.

When you are so exhausted with their internet, She eventually comes in apologizing for delaying and for failing to find change for the other 50,000sh note. So you tell her its cool, you can get 4000sh from one note.

At the end of the day, you have used 3 hours which should have been 6000sh (but 3600 during normal Umeme situations) and paid for two hours (4000shs).

And she will thank you for being her best customer of the day that she will ask, 'Oba nkuleteryo ne soda? '

Please don't accept nomatter how tempting that is, lest you appear to have no conscience at all.

Categories: Ug Society, Ug Hu