On family dynamics...

Fine, in every family there is that one thing you will find unique. Of course, unique can be weird or desirable.  Forexample, most people refer to their parents as Baba, Papa, Taata, and the dotcom adult-kids like me, Daddy, and Pappy or Monkey and other petnames (for dotcomcom kids).

But the irony (yes, irony, whether the word is applicable or not - it just sounds cute) was when I heard my neighbor referring to his brother as 'sibling'. He was yelling, 'gwe sibling, engato zange waziteka wa?'

I was really intrigued at first hearing. But then brushed It off basing on the fact that it has been evident Ugandans are obsessed with trending sophisticated words that they will end up baptising their children with those words as their names eg Vuvuzela, Olympics, Eclipse, Extradite, LGTBI, POMB, Viber etc. If you go to Kabale, and you hear someone talk about Eclipse, don't be quick to applaud their knowledge diversity. Usually, they are backbiting a 'kalomate' with that name.

So, I went by my neighbors' to ask for salt so that I could be able to pry into their family 'name-referring-to' politics. You know, previously, they had come begging for hot charcoal saying they didn't have a matchbox,( I think they were just lazy, you know people and wanting ebiwedde) it's often fairer when one good turn yields another anyway.

I met Taata Loza at the door step, chewing sugarcane and dropping the residues carelessly. Loza is the kind of kid you might want to avoid when you are eating some terrific food. She must have been asleep though.
Taata Loza and I exchanged greetings and then I told him I had come to beg for a panga. I abandoned the salt, what if the man threw tantrums at me for begging mere salt that was 500shs from the shop opposite his house? This would ruin the future bilateral relations between our familes so I couldn't go through with it.

But appallingly, he was so happy I asked. He even said I could borrow a certain metal used to sharpen knives, the sink pump, the toaster they had newly acquired and so much more. I didn't object to his suggestion in as much as I didn't really need to borrow anything in the first place. I said I wd come for the rest eventually.

He called out for Maama Loza.

'Wife, wife, waifuuuu... oba kati omukyala azunze wa?'

'Wangiiii husband?' She yelled back.

This time I was intrigued to the brim that I couldn't hold my mandibles together.

Their lives felt like an Ultimate African skit in National Theatre. Had they probably perhaps met in drama club maybe, all of them, including the children? Or had they fallen out of a story book as was the case with Inkheart, the movie? But movies are usually fiction.

Some families can indeed be strange! Even when it comes to dinner at the table. Table manners really differ. On that note, never have lunch with Nigerians if at all you think your table manners are in the least up to average.

I was invited for lunch at a certain Nigerians place. The food was pork and posho. My first time to eat that combination and more specifically, pork with soup. (Pork with soup!?? Smh)

First of all expect only one serving spoon. This was to be used in the pork. (I actually think it was brought because there was a visitor)

The guy asked if he could serve me, but after seeing how he used his hands to amass the posho in his grip, rolled it and then placed it on his plate, I was numb. I politely said I would serve myself and asked for a fork which wasn't brought until I said I didn't know hw to eat with bare hands.

While eating, without even asking if I wanted more pork, he picked a piece of pork from his plate, with the fingers he had previously been licking of food and placed it on my plate.

I puked on my plate, literally, that everything felt disgusting and I couldn't eat it anymore.

Even worse was when, out of the notion that Nigerians don't waste food, he got all the food on my plate and poured it on his own, and ate it all. I excused my self to the restrooms. At the back of my mind, I had gone 'mbu' to puke .

I leaned towards the sink. I started pleading for the puke to come out. It refused. Truth is, sometimes we can want to forge standards. While in the movies, actors can easily puke after seeing something disgusting, that's not always the case in real life.

So when most of us say, 'eeew, I feel like puking, we mean,'eeeew, I wish I could puke, lodavmcy.'

So the puke jam, and so did the pee. I flashed the toilet anyway so that they would know I wasn't doing anything restricted in their restrooms.

By the way the food wasn't bad, but the eating habbits were despicable. My advice, when faced by a Nigerian, make sure you scoop enough in the first serving and isolate yourself.