I have to cry on my Wedding Day! Whatever it takes…


Exaggerated excitement is a thing of the west! We Africans don't really need to shed tears to show that we are surprised or to express other emotions.

Alright, that's like an excuse I always give. We have imported so many western values and norms yet we become defensive towards those that may require a natural occurrence, effort or stem from regular practice (for which we haven’t had the chance)

I wrote a story about how am a Mukiga, and should for that reason be excused if easy quot;&quot expression of surprise didn't occur to me.

Nevertheless, I recently got a vision. Of my wedding day. I didn't see myself cry at any point! WHAT!  Who does that? Every dot.com girl is supposed to cry on her wedding day. That's totally by the book.(Not sure which one)

I'm so blessed I had that vision because now I can alter it and one of the four plans am going to lay out below are going to have to work.

If something doesn’t naturally occur to you, impose it on yourself.

Plan A
Remember something sad.
But, who wants to remember something sad on their special days? Okay maybe we can have a TV watching session, some Telenovela, a really emotional scene. It could help me boot start the tears, then maybe I will recall other emotional scenes I have watched before and start wailing.

Plan B
Chapa Mbalasi
In this one, my husband will have to be my accomplice. Actually, the whole bridal team. This is my special day and they all have to be supportive so that the ointment scent doesn’t come as a surprise. This plan excludes the flower girl and Peg boy from the team. Kids can't be trusted. In a brisk of a moment, she will be on the microphone reporting how Auntie Gulo has put chapa mbalazi in her eyes to create tears, and then she giggles innocently, not knowing the damage she has done towards my reputation.

In case the two plans don't work, plan C will be just perfect.

An Emotional Speech from my maid of honor.
First, she should be so emotional. In that after her first word, the whole audience will be in crying mood.
I will write her speech, of course, to be on the safe side. She has to cry as soon as she gets the microphone. At first we will think she is afraid of technology. Then she will put across a disclaimer that she is not always so emotional, so that we can empathize with her this time. Me I will already be crying and I will ask for cake to help me calm down even though cutting time hasn't reached. Cake does really calm me down, anytime.

She will go ahead and talk about how miraculously we met, on the street, and she knew we would be best friends for life. How she accidentally stepped on my shoe, leading to a torn strap, I could hardly move my leg with it.

And then she had looked at me so worried for her life, the mukiga in me appearing through my frown with a clenched fist ready to punch her unconscious awake. She had started pleading and offering me her nigina aka bona bambale shoes.

How suddenly, I hugged her tight, shed one too many tears and thanked her for spoiling my shoe as it had never really seen that happened to me on the street. How she had cried with me and pretended to be happy saying she had also never spoiled someone’s shoe on the street.

How I had asked her to be my maid of honor on my wedding that was two weeks away because of the instant priceless mutual emotional attachment.

By the way even when something isn’t really emotional as such, provided it’s said over a microphone and the speaker is crying, everyone will be touched. Thus, by the time she is done with the emotional speech, the MC will be telling everyone to feel free to use the dry cleaning services freely available as priory budgeted.

In conclusion thus far, what come may come! I have to cry on my wedding day if that's what it takes to convince myself that I was surprised I got married!






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