The Detour:

The Detour:: Why you need to be careful with the workforce you ... :  Why you need to be careful with the workforce you hire. If you want to start up a business, and are relying on hiring cheap workforce, t...

r Why you need to be careful with the workforce you hire. If you want to start up a business, and are relying on hiring cheap workforce, think twice.  You may look out for school drop outs (especially those who couldnot even complete pre primary) because they may be inexperienced, and thus have no burgaining power!  But always think about the full package before you settle for that. You know that part of your CV where you flaunt your skills/ proficiencies? Ok, look at it and turn each one of them to the negative. Also, don't forget to add exaggerations, because you do the same on your cv.  Lets take a look at some of these. (You need a shop attendant) Skills/ proficiencies 1. Undeniably incompetent 2. Poor time keeping skills 3. Slow problem solving skills 4. Good at convincing customers not to buy some products 5. Conflict stirring 6. Can mix business with pleasure. 7. Can chase away customers with my look ,like this  <<€$%#&£@&>> 8. Is insole...

We all know Ugandans donot have to first travel to oversea countries inorder to adopt a Foreign accent. (Most cases this accent is allegedly American.) Some of the common ways we know are; crossing a border to other East African countries like Sudan, joining the entertainment industry especially becoming an upcoming artist, touring the airport, taking a picture next to the aeroplane, having a relative or facebook friend living abroad etc. But there's one other path that is rarely considered. TRAUMA! Forexample when you have just encountered a dramatic experience like an intense car accident, sliding and banging your head harshy against the bathtub or bathroom wall or even a severe heartbreak! In event of these, trauma sets in. But then in some instances, you are needed to give a statement. First of all, this will kind of feel like a movie scene. Because you are still in shock, having people surrounding you with worry and attention makes you feel even more vulnerable, a...

I learnt this trick recently considering that umeme transformers all decided to elope at once with the eclipse, hopefully in liaison to bring us a hybrid hydro solar electric source of power. So, you go to a cafe and because they are using generators, they say the price will be twice the normal charge whether you are using the internet or not . Which is unfair because you only want to use their power. This is what you do. 1) Quarrel  ko  alittle and frown your face at how that's really exploitation and burgain for a reduction. If the double price is 2400sh per hour, they will settle for 2000. 2. Use the internet anyway. Why opt to pay for only power yet you can get both at the same price.? 3. Make sure you carried your own laptop and tell them you need to use their port. While you are connected, tick all the options in your action centre/windows maintainance settings and let the updates run automatically. Update the antivirus too, download zumzum and eve...

If you have finished your first degree and are thinking of doing Masters immediately, that's a good step.  But these are some of the challenges you experience.  1. The campus you knew suddenly feels like primary school. The moment you are around the school environment, you feel terribly old.( It’s more of a sickly feeling). This is due to the way children are excited about being at campus. Trust that that feeling doesn’t stop in first year! You feel that whoever is looking at you is calculating how many years since you last got in touch with a university. And yet you are innocent in age. Probably just 1-4years older than most of the kids.  In addition, the way they dress, mostly color blocking, indeed makes you feel you are in kindergarten.  2. Lecturers have no respect for you.  This is especially when they realize you are still a fresh graduate and you have no job. They will treat you like they would freshers. They will try t...

Blacker is more beautiful The only consoling factor is that you are not alone. If you ever think you are too dark, and feel quite uncomfy about it, think of me. This only applies if you are not from Sudan.  If you ever wish that someone categorized you as light skinned, go to Sudan, date a dinka. He/she will always refer to you as, 'my brown babe/dude.' This Sudan solution is a long sho t though. And while your darkness lasts, you can never look good with a tattoo  Damn! No one will see it. Only you will know that you have it.  If you insist that you have one, you might need to prove it probably with a tattoo receipt or go get the tattooist to prove that he indeed worked on you. More blessed will you be if he was cautious enough to install cameras in his shop. The other major problem is taking pictures. Confession;- If I have ever ignored your invites to studio group photos, now you know why. It's just that you are the last person to ...

He's my buddy, just. We hang out when we are bored, window shopping mainly. This time he wants me to help him select a beautiful engagement ring. He says he has met 'The One'. I'm so happy for my buddy, you know, because I thought he would always have trouble finding a girl who loved him unconditionally. You guys know Brown? Ok, Brown is also my buddy. Dude is too tall, you might need a ladder to engage in face to face conversation with him. Now Zion, you will need an outdoor elevator. Some of you know it as a lift. Bambi, I (platonic) love him. Walking with somebody madly taller than me kinda gets me mob attention, smiles and 'hellos' from strangers. Fine, maybe all those are meant for Zion, but friends share, right? There is this shop about opposite Fido Dido where rings are sold. We walk there. All rings are so beautiful, I almost want to tell Zion to buy two and give me one, just for just. Finally, we decide on which ring to buy. Zio...

Seriously, is anything wrong with being a wrong dancer? Huh! Well that’s what some friends have told me. Every one says it. They even say that you should dance whenever you go to parties if you want to have fun. But who said it is a must to dance on parties inorder to have fun? For some of us it’s food and more food and maybe more Coke/Sprite/Fanta because that’s means more free MBs and more surfing the net. You know what isn’t fun? Missing a piece of chicken or cake. Like seriously, why go ahead and make a party when you know not all guests will have a piece either chicken or cake? That’s an insult to people’s appetite. We feel that our vain contributions to your party were embezzled. There are about 5 people am still so angry with because they didn’t have enough cake on their weddings. I even wrote down their names so that I never forget. So mbu dancing is ‘life’. Okay, maybe so. I also dance in church though that entails merely jumping up and down and running. Ru...

1. You should have the Police’s number on speed dial so you can quickly notify them just incase you want to mention any thing political. Terms like Government, Politics, 2016, Yellow, Term limit, constitution etc wherever you maybe. 2. Incase you forget to notify the Police prior, call them after with a summary of what you discussed. Ask them if they are on Whatsapp and keep them posted with pics of your group which is of course more than two people. 3. If the political gathering was at your home, and the enforcement guys fell on you in action, you should give them food before they arrest you and fire their live bullets. 4.In Every household or group of people, atleast one of you must be in possession of teargas cans and fully loaded guns. Just incase the Order boys forgot to carry theirs. You should help them help you. So contact all arm traffickers on tradelinks if any or wherever for these supplies so you can please these boys. Nothing will stop them arrestin...

In uganda, your pet is that animal/bird you have seen on Tv, movies or read about in children’s books and become fond of. eh kwonka this horse looks fierce!! Even if you give it to me for free! Almost every one has(had) a pet, especially girls in high school. Ask those autobooks theyused to fill. Those days, mine was a monkey. We all know that was Sarah’s pet. Sarah the cartoon gal we used to read about in one of the newspapers some years back. Zingo was the monkey’s name. My pet could have been a dog or cat like most people’s but then one day a cat scratched me with its dirty claws when I had gone to visit a friend. Mbu I was trying to befriend the cat since everyone else held it and it was nice to them. That backfired for me. At an earlier time, when I was new to that neighborhood, some kids surrounded me at a kiosk. They had a puppy. They rubbed its skin against my arm and lied to me that I had just gotten rabbies and would eventually die. I waile...

I joined Facebook as a result of eavesdropping. I was in my first year and was sharing a suite with three other people in a hostel. It had two rooms and two people shared each room. The galz in the other room were rather cool, advanced, admirable. They had laptops, Tv, mobile wardrobes, even cutlery! We had nothing. I’m glad iPads weren’t a fad at a time. They would have had them. I had over heard them talk about Facebook several times before. This time, I listened in to the whole conversation . ‘Hey, are you friends with GG on facebook?  ‘No. Meanwhile TT poked me! ‘  ‘Aaah that guy ain’t cool. He writes weird things on my wall ‘  ‘Yeah, i noticed. His updates always show up on my homepage.’ I was sure that I would never afford to buy Facebook. Where the heck was I going to find wall, notifications, poke( Pork? I knew where to find pork), home page etc. I couldnt figure out how the wall at our home and pages in my books would be o...

I love spending time with kids. I do so even in my mind since physically; they are not easy to come by of late. They are locked up in high walled prison cells masquerading as their homes (or do I mean home masqueraded as prison cells - not sure).   They laugh so hard at things that are not funny and make you think you could easily be hired to perform with the U-turn comedians. You make a funny face, and one dumb kid literally dies of hilarity that she has to first lie on the floor against her back and digest all the laughter you just ignited in them. They think you are a miracle worker. The good part about that is that they will believe what you say. When one hits her smallest toe against the wall, she will cry so hard while staring at you to do something; to heal them. All you need to do is touch the injured part and convince them that the pain is gone. Ask where it was that they hit their toe, then slap and spit on it. Allow them to do the same. There. You have perfo...

People express love differently. They do a hand full of silly things that as an outsider you may find weird and infuriating, but for lovers, a way to have quality time. So you don't have to just judge couples. My ex, his face was richly endowed with big and at times swollen ripe pimples with yellow pus peeping through the pimple windows as if trying to push through towards freedom. It’s like we were always on competition. He, of course, was the unbeatable winner ‘cause my pimples only came around during that time of the month and were usually tiny, swelling only when provoked. Zabuloni and I always popped each other’s ripe pimples for fun.  How it started.  One of those lonely evenings, Zabu and I agreed to meet under one of the shades around city square. Most coupes did meet there. We talked all there was to talk about and suddenly there was nothing else left to do than stare at each other which was rather boring. Finally, as if he had been practicing the line over ...